I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
