hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
