why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sorry about my life...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
