Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
