I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
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