just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
