i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
