final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
