Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
