he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
