Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
