she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
