Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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