Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
