I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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