Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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