omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
