he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
