Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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