happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize