Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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