Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
