Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
