she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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