just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
