11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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