Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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