So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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