tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
