if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
