I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
