I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
