she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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