I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We need a shit load of segways right now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
