i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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