trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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