i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
