I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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