Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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