I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
