now i know why i became what i already was.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
