i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i think i have herpe
just one?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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