I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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