what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
