I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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