remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
