Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
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i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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