i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
