oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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you told grandpa to call you daddy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
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