my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
