I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
