Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
