You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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