is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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