I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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