Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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