pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
