Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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